I’ve always wanted to be a lot of things when I grow up: a writer, a policy-maker, a bookstore owner, a lawyer, a traveler, a homeowner, a singer, a princess (jk too many rules), a physical therapist, a diplomat. As a kid it was great, I felt like I could be anything. As I get older though… I’ve started to get frustrated. I feel as though I’m running out of time to pick a direction.
But the thing is, I don’t actually need to decide right now. I’m 24 and I’m living through a pandemic, this doesn’t have to be the year that I “begin the rest of my life”. But the feeling persists, so I’ve decided to start small — When I grow up I want to be a morning person. And that’s something I can start working towards now.
I’m writing this down and telling y’all for the sake of accountability. I love mornings, I really do. Friday morning I got up at 6:30 to go for a walk, get coffee, and listen to the new Taylor Swift album. I was smiling in the shower at 6:37. I was literally tearing up with joy when the sun came over the buildings and hit me in the face. I skipped across a crosswalk or two, helped a nun carry a candle, and met a nice fireman who was washing his fire engine.
My whole hour and a half walk I kept thinking “man, I should really become a morning person”. And not just for today. Besides the effervescent feeling of fresh air and morning sunshine, there are concrete reasons that I think I should become a morning person. See the following:
- I don’t like being rushed in the morning.
- Getting up early makes me feel prepared and responsible.
- I am my least emotional in the morning. This makes it a good time for thinking.
The problem is… I love mornings, but I also love late nights. I am the most creative from 10:00 PM to 2:00 AM, I love the detachment of 3:00 AM, and the delirium of 4:00 AM. There’s a sort of otherworldliness about it that’s conducive to wallowing, hyper-focused creating, or sitting absolutely still for 45 minutes running over a conversation in your head. It’s a stillness that can only be found in the middle of the night, like the whole world is sleeping so there’s less background noise from the universe.
Here, of course, is the rub. You don’t get to have both. Even one 3:00 AM night will throw off my sleep schedule for days. And getting up is so hard. Especially in the winter, when it’s cold and dark in the morning, it takes so much effort to pry myself out of my warm cozy bed.
But this is exactly why I want to become a morning person.
I want to be able to sustain the amount of discipline and accountability necessary to get up early, even when I don’t have to and don’t want to. I need to prove to myself I can do it. It might seem like a little thing, but in this moment where it feels like I can’t move forward with any other part of my life, getting this one thing right feels critical. Like, if I don’t have the willpower to do this, how the hell am I supposed to do literally anything else?
So there it is. All of my reasoning, and back-story, and existential stress. All to preface this simple question, how do I become a morning person?
I’m seriously asking. Someone send me an email. Or comment below. Or text me. Or DM me on Instagram. Just please, help.
xoxo,
